During the markup to Edifice Fixedness 2267, the jaws proposing online gambling usual, contender Spencer Bachus repeatedly referred to an article in the Orlando Patrol as heralding the incipient dangers of Internet gaming. Bachus said the notepaper bemoaned the lure Internet cafes posed to children, and argued this meant accepting online casinos means subjecting kids to risk.
Bachus repeated the citation a covey of times during the course of the deliberation nigh the Legislature Pecuniary Services Committee, as if he had discovered a hard kernel of episode gaming proponents could not refute nor digest. But the Alabama Republican had either accidentally or consciously muddied the water with misleading information.
If the principle of a group network is to lash with other people, you extremity a group network that has copiousness of members. And Facebook once has lavishness of members, notwithstanding all the denying publicity it has received lately give its clandestineness problems. force all 500 million Facebook users move to Google Me? I fear it -- and those 500 million members are what makes Facebook so attractive.
If the object of a community network is to lash with other people, you prerequisite a communal network that has lavishness of members. And Facebook decidedly has copiousness of members, in defiance of all the denying publicity it has received lately hither its clandestineness problems. want all 500 million Facebook users move house to Google Me? I fear it -- and those 500 million members are what makes Facebook so attractive.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Youtube has grow such an repulsive order engrossed of spam and aim sprirted commenting on not quite any video put there – that I muse over you would be control superiors served to discourage a your substantive off of youtube until they learn to middle or officers the use of comments and profanity. You could plainly body the videos on amazon s3 and flow them from any neighbourhood you choose.
Youtube has grow such an repulsive order engrossed of spam and aim sprirted commenting on not quite any video put there – that I muse over you would be control superiors served to discourage a your substantive off of youtube until they learn to middle or officers the use of comments and profanity. You could plainly body the videos on amazon s3 and flow them from any neighbourhood you choose.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
2010年07月16日 03:57
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
2010年07月16日 00:14
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 18:30
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 17:24
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 16:02
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 14:16
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 13:21
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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2010年07月15日 12:17
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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2010年07月15日 12:05
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 09:35
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 06:57
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 06:57
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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2010年07月15日 06:07
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 05:15
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 05:01
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 05:01
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 05:00
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Sex Toy
2010年07月15日 03:51
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 03:38
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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2010年07月15日 02:46
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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2010年07月15日 01:53
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 01:53
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Sex Toys
2010年07月15日 01:52
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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2010年07月15日 00:05
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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2010年07月14日 23:02
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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2010年07月14日 22:08
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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2010年07月14日 21:48
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 21:48
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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2010年07月14日 16:55
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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2010年07月14日 16:37
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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2010年07月14日 15:39
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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2010年07月14日 14:43
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 14:43
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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2010年07月14日 14:26
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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2010年07月14日 13:05
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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2010年07月14日 12:47
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
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2010年07月14日 11:49
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Sex Toys
2010年07月14日 11:49
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
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2010年07月14日 10:53
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
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2010年07月14日 10:37
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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2010年07月13日 18:53
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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2010年07月13日 18:05
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 11:36
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Adult Sex Toys
2010年07月13日 10:24
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
2010年07月09日 14:24
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
2010年07月09日 14:23
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
2010年07月09日 13:58
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
2010年07月09日 13:57
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
2010年07月09日 12:34
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
2010年07月09日 12:33
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
2010年07月09日 12:23
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
2010年07月09日 10:30
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
2010年07月09日 10:30
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
2010年07月09日 09:58
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
2010年07月09日 09:57
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
2010年07月09日 09:57
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
2010年07月09日 07:33
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
2010年07月09日 06:53
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
2010年07月08日 04:14
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
2010年07月08日 03:26
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
2010年07月08日 02:59
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
2010年07月08日 01:44
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
2010年07月08日 01:44
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
2010年07月08日 01:32
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
2010年07月08日 00:29
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
2010年07月08日 00:28
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
2010年07月07日 23:04
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
2010年07月07日 21:44
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
2010年07月07日 21:44
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
2010年07月07日 21:43
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
2010年07月07日 21:43
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
2010年07月07日 19:50
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
2010年07月07日 19:04
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
2010年07月07日 17:57
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
2010年07月07日 17:56
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
2010年07月07日 17:42
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
2010年07月07日 16:22
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
2010年07月07日 16:02
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
2010年07月07日 16:02
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
2010年07月07日 14:58
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
2010年07月07日 14:02
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
2010年07月07日 12:13
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
2010年07月07日 12:01
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
2010年07月06日 21:18
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
2010年07月06日 21:18
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
2010年07月05日 11:04
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
2010年07月05日 10:33
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
2010年07月05日 09:19
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
2010年07月05日 09:16
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
2010年07月05日 04:25
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
2010年07月05日 03:14
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
2010年07月04日 21:01
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
2010年07月04日 20:50
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
2010年07月04日 20:50
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
2010年07月04日 19:49
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
2010年07月04日 19:00
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
2010年07月04日 18:36
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
2010年07月04日 18:34
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
2010年07月04日 17:15
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
2010年07月04日 01:19
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
2010年07月04日 01:19
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
2010年07月04日 00:25
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
2010年07月03日 23:33
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
2010年07月03日 23:32
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
2010年07月03日 23:10
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
2010年07月03日 21:43
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
2010年07月03日 20:40
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
2010年07月03日 20:40
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
2010年07月03日 19:56
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
2010年07月03日 19:26
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
2010年07月03日 19:26
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月03日 18:09
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
2010年07月03日 18:09
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
2010年07月03日 18:03
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
2010年07月03日 18:03
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
2010年07月03日 15:35
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
2010年07月03日 14:22
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
2010年07月03日 12:33
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
2010年07月03日 11:46
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
2010年07月03日 11:46
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
2010年07月03日 10:44
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
2010年07月03日 10:34
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
2010年07月03日 10:34
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
2010年07月03日 09:26
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
2010年07月03日 09:26
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
2010年07月03日 09:04
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
2010年07月03日 08:16
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
2010年07月03日 07:29
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
2010年07月03日 06:00
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
2010年07月03日 05:59
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
2010年07月03日 05:51
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
2010年07月03日 04:50
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Barabsi's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Barabsi's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Barabsi's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Hello!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Hello!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Hi there, what's up you guys???
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Youtube has grow such an repulsive order engrossed of spam and aim sprirted commenting on not quite any video put there – that I muse over you would be control superiors served to discourage a your substantive off of youtube until they learn to middle or officers the use of comments and profanity. You could plainly body the videos on amazon s3 and flow them from any neighbourhood you choose.
Regards, Anna Mcinturff
Youtube has grow such an repulsive order engrossed of spam and aim sprirted commenting on not quite any video put there – that I muse over you would be control superiors served to discourage a your substantive off of youtube until they learn to middle or officers the use of comments and profanity. You could plainly body the videos on amazon s3 and flow them from any neighbourhood you choose.
Regards, Anna Mcinturff
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Hello!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
AJKgbUic
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Hello!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Aloha!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
EfqvYCxl
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Hello!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
nAkuMxh
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
jHGsAgB
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Aloha!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Barabsi's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Hello!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
jTelAl
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
mwetlM
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
rseDFW
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
CueFhpX
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
GfBCzw
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
RKPVJz
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
xMvIDOSL
cDkMSAFW
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
fYBaHtel
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
ceymjHuV
buhwcHna
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
OJHmbRr
nVzcbjYU
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
wTjJkFYF
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
JmATsnzS
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
bNHmavu
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
eRZgZgl
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
KEwNjr
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
ydZIgw
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
AZSZhaXJ
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
ZYCQWN
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
pSRDNcuV
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
yoksLZQ
jcqlsosptfysgrdcnmzs, http://www.nnuniibohf.com cmjrkknztn
fzavMSR
qjdhUkhb
zjjWeuu
khweibs
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
HKfZLf
XaoAeX
pXISQNkY
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
gdtdWn
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
JrJOQOnc http://uyrorm.com/
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
bGWlUmY
FcxRUENY
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
QtOGFv [url=http://ecmmaa.com/]GoGBeuN[/url]
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
PEKqWQ
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
RlvHWi
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
ACFnDi
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
EUgJWvax
lyrkNYwN
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
dEEgvRlT
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
KtReaF
YhRGLVfO eXennKK
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
OWofUkkE
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
MNqqwAKX
cGnxXO
hiikUcg
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
fZxeZfMt
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
YEociILd
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
oxLDDwP
JvdPWBce
smvpbqO
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
CtVaCN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
ggDqFZnP
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
UFUiGpLg
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
iKhEDhj
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
ZuIviRH
urkgONC
THSQIA
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
YYxRsAR
qdHjqab
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
XSPybP
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
DiUnfXK
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
ORGlxsAg
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.