2008年02月13日
ぽろｗｌｋと遊んだお
ぽろにあｗｌｋとそーさんとAB行きました。
ぽろにあんのhealing doneとKillBlowがきもい件
Arenaはどろにあんがポイントもらえなそうだったのでちょっとだけよを抜けてばけらって？へ。
EleShamとHolyPalなんていけるんか？いや、BoP→どろにあん即死コンボをいれてくれればいけるはず！！んでもHP高いWarとPalきたらどすんの？詰みじゃね？
なんて言いながらQいれたら初戦でWarPalきたこれ
War狙いでコンボいれるもののむりげーっぽかったのでPalにたげかえて無敵つかわせてCD中にもっかいコンボいれて乙。やればできるじゃないか。。
二戦目SpriMage。Spriがやらかかったんで助かった。勝ち。
三戦目おなじとこ。今度は私が狙われて乙。壁くれ
とりあえず三戦したんでどろにあんからぽろにあんへ。
毎回毎回試合が長引いて泣きそうでした。
一番泣きはいったのはHuntDru。場所は墓。
サイクロンあんましてこないDruだったからよかったんかなー。ペット殺してぽろにあんがマナ全部吸って私は逃げまくって水のんでヒール。
サイクロンされてたらぽろにあんしんでたんじゃないのかしら、って場面がけっこうあるとおもうｗ
まぁ疲れた。。
こっそり一人遊び。きもいドワーフにコインもらいました。
- by Chirol
- at 09:54
comments
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I am not young enough to know everything.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Just hoped to let the site owner know that the widgets bar is not functioning correctly for me. Yeah...
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
In every tom's sustenance, at some occasion, our inner foment goes out. It is then burst into zeal at near an encounter with another hominoid being. We should all be glad for those people who rekindle the inner spirit
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I am not young enough to know everything.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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